Giving More Than Thanks.

This may not be your typical Thanksgiving blog post. Instead of listing all the many things for which I am grateful, and I assure you that list is long, I want to challenge you.

You probably spent today doing a combination of the following: eating a lot, enjoying great company, sleeping, planning your day of shopping tomorrow, getting ready for the Christmas season. Undoubtedly you took time to reflect on all of the things you are blessed to have; the things you too often take for granted.

Perhaps some of you even took a moment or two, or maybe even more, to think about the people in this world who have fewer reasons to give thanks. I want to take that a step further. Last Sunday I went to different church (Restore Church in Liberty, MO) than my home church. The sermon was about giving, and it has been swimming in my mind since then. Too, too often I am an extremely selfish person. I do give, but not as much as I should, and I tend to want people to know about it when it does happen. I am not proud of that fact, and I am working to change it.

Today I challenge you to give. Take some of the money you would have spent on yourself and spend it on someone else, someone who needs it. As you are filling out your Christmas list, instead of asking for 10 things, ask for 5 and say that you want the rest of the money to be spent on something great.

In terms of selfless giving, the options are endless, but I want to focus on one particular organization that is close to my heart.

His Voice Global.

This organization creates opportunities for orphans. So far they have built 3 orphanages and a church in Sudan. They have seen many approaches to these types of ministries that end up hurting the indigenous people, and for that reason they've taken their own approach.The staff of these orphanages are completely indigenous so as to build up the community and economy in each location. Their goal is to "strengthen the local church by promoting the reality of God's holistic vision to reach people." They want to see the local church in the states partner with the local church of Sudan. His Voice Global is doing incredible things in the world, and I can't explain how much they inspire me. There is no way this little blurb does them justice, so I encourage you to visit their website: http://www.hisvoiceglobal.com and learn more.

I also encourage you to support them. Right now there are two major ways to do that:
1. HVG is currently working on raising money for a fourth orphanage to house 100 orphans. Not only that, but they hope to also build a school for the orphans and other village children, a medical clinic, a church, and a freshwater well. This is a hefty goal, for which they've already made a lot of progress. Your help would do wonders.
2. Their goal this Christmas season is to outfit each of the orphans with two new full sets of clothes (shirt, skirt/shorts, and shoes). This means 410 sets of clothes! It is $20 dollars to send one set. It might sound crazy, but think of how radical it would be to tell your loved ones that instead of getting them a Christmas gift this year, you clothed an orphan in their honor!
For specific information about option 2, visit http://www.hisvoiceglobal.com/orphan.php.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. I am grateful for you.

Say "I love you"

This weekend was my sister's wedding and it was wonderful. She looked amazing, and even better she looked so happy. Everything went smoothly and I think everybody had a great time. I know that Jon will be good to her and I am really excited for their life together.

This is a video of the toast I gave at the reception, and below are the words to the poem I wrote for it.

Say to each other "we can do this"
Say that you love the way that they kiss
    And you'll miss them for whatever time you're apart.
Say all the things you've said from the start,
    And any good thing you've said since then
Say it too, as long as it's from the heart.

Say that you're sorry, but more importantly
Say that you forgive. Don't keep score.
Say that you know they're worth fighting for
    But do your best not to fight.
Say to her "you're beautiful"
    Even when you wake in the middle of the night,
    Or in the morning when she'd never say it about herself.
Say that he's strong and ask for his help.

Say "I need you. For you I am grateful."
    Bite your own tongue before you let it sound hateful.
Say goodnight, good morning, goodbye, and good luck.
    Don't ever say words to each other like... schmuck.
    Let all that you say have the intent to encourage
    Let all that you say make your love flourish.
   
   When you think of something nice,
Say it, and mean it- however small.
   When you think of something mean, just
Say nothing at all.
Say "yes."
Say that you care.
Say that you're scared.
Say "it'll be okay" and believe in all the things you say.

Say "I love you"
    And when you say it, let the words carry the weight of their worth,
Say it like, of all the people on this whole earth,
    You'd choose each other every time.

Prayers and Poetry.

This is the first piece of my spoken word poetry that I actually performed in front of people. Afterward, some of them asked me for the words and I said I'd post it on here. It's still in the making, and I'd love your feedback. Perhaps I will perform it, and others, someday. Happy November, all!

Dear God, thank you for sun

And thank you for rain

Thank you for the growth that comes with pain

And that moment of healing when only beauty remains.

Thank you for scabs that turn to scars and don’t hurt anymore

And thank you for metaphors about windows and doors

That make us want to get out of our chairs and say yes to the world.

Thank you for beds at the end of days we wish could be erased

For grace

And for mace, not that we would use it, but it makes us feel safe

       on those nights when we walk home alone.

For the ability to hear smiles over the phone.

And for bodies that cry out to You from the depths of our bones.

For brains that send messages to the rest of our parts

That tell us how to feel, when to stop and when to start.

And thank you for the messages that say “feel joy right now.”

For our hearts that pump blood up through our bodies and all the way down

To our toes, to our nose, and even our elbows.

For hearts so strong that we made them our symbol for love.

And for love so true we can never be deprived of it.

Thank you for love.

Because forget the hokey pokey, love is what it’s all about.

And thank you for those times we start to doubt,

Because waiting on the shore of our sea of fears is true understanding coming out.

Thank you for the beauty of blue skies

And for the people in our lives so wise we can see the truth in their eyes.

Thank you for making mornings worth it just for the sunrise.

For jobs that start early and for the ones that go late,

Even at times when we want to say things like I hate

       everything.

Thank you for always reminding us that isn’t true,

And helping us find ways to love what we do

Because we know there are people who do much more for much less,

And we should never, for one second, forget that we're blessed.

For the people who have shaped who we are.

Who inspire us and motivate us to go far.

Thank you for making us whole always

For the promise of better days and for glimpses of glory in broken clouds’ sun rays.

Thank you for forgiveness, and the ability to forgive.

For redemption, salvation, restoration- the death of abomination

For knowing we'll never die, but through You can only ever truly live. 

I think this is peace.

There's that moment when the rain lets up just enough that I can hear my music again- beautiful and lyric-less- and suddenly I am strangely aware that there are lights on inside and I honestly feel like I could be doing anything in this moment and still be happy. I am living in that moment right now, and I am striving to make all my moments as content as this. I feel like I have been gradually inching toward the door for months, and a few days ago I finally set myself free. And it turns out all along I was just waiting for the key to a door that has always been unlocked. Now I live on the outside of the things that used to cause me pain, and I tell you what, there's more to see out here. I feel the effects of truly being free by the fact that every time I cry, it's only because I'm happy. I am moved to tears by things that I find beautiful, not by the bittersweet pain of believing in something that doesn't exist, wanting something I can't have- something that was once so good but has since turned bad and long before I decided that the bitter far outweighed the sweet. This was my downfall: a grip too strong on all the wrong things, an inability to forgive. But at the end of the day, it is still a choice just to live, and to live is not the same as to breathe.

Perspective.

Here is the story of my life over the past week and a half. It has a happy ending and a moral, so don't give up on it too quickly.

It goes like this: school, work, homework, church, sleep. To be specific: 15 hours worth of English classes. Only. English. Classes. 30 hour work weeks with shifts beginning at 4:30 or 6 AM. Several hours of reading every night. Church groups 4 nights a week. And I was just kidding about sleep. It's not really a character in this story.

But the worst thing about the last week and a half is that I let the above paragraph make me whiny, grumpy, self-pitying, and downright negative. Whenever I talked I was annoying even myself, but I just kept complaining and drawing everyone's attention to all the things I had going on. I even began letting myself believe that I was simply going to be miserable most of the semester. 

As I was driving home from an event Tuesday night I had an epiphany: 

I don't want to live my life waiting for the day to end.

I'm always telling other people not to wish time away, to make the most out of everyday, and to learn to love the things in life that we can't change. Yet, I let all of those core values that I claim to cling to slip far from my mind. I've been doing so much changing over the last month or two, but I almost let some of that get unraveled- and for what?

The thing is, there's no point to it. Complaining, negativity- it has no benefit for anyone. It's just foolish to choose not to be happy. And I do think, to some extent, it's a choice we make. I know that life isn't always going to be good. I'm not an idiot. But I genuinely believe in the power of positive thinking, and I don't think that our happiness is as directly linked to what happens in our lives as much as it is to how we handle it and to what extent we let it shape us. Life's beauty is really just a matter of our perception. The right perspective is like capturing a picture with the right light- it doesn't change what's actually there, but it makes the way we see it more beautiful.

So, the moral of the story is: think good thoughts. It's so simple. You've heard it all your life. But sadly, we have this innate tendency to gravitate toward negativity. I don't think we have to choose to be negative, and a lot of times we aren't completely aware we're doing it. But when we constantly make a choice throughout the day to cleanse our thoughts of that negativity, life is completely different. Try it. As you go through your day tomorrow, guide your thoughts in a positive direction. Look for the good in people, and find reasons to enjoy everything that you do.

My current positive thoughts:
Autumn is approaching and it is the best time of year. I have a job. And at that job I get to interact with people in a friendly and genuine way. I can run 7 miles without stopping, and 2 months ago I could barely run 1. I am creative, and have the means by which to express that creativity. I have the best people in my life. My wounds from the last year are healing into scars that almost don't hurt anymore and they remind me of how strong I am. I am feeling confident, empowered, independent, and valuable. I am inspired by so many people and things and I know that I can inspire others. I can take 15 hours, work 30 hours, run 20 miles, read 300 pages, spend 3 nights at church, and maintain a social life all in one week. And when I say 'can,' I really mean 'get to,' because Lord knows every single one of those things is a privilege and I intend to treat it that way.

Day 456

In 2009, an exquisite movie came out. Far from the typical love story depicting myths about love and happily ever afters, 500 Days of Summer is a quirky, delightful, and refreshingly accurate representation of  relationships. (Also, it has one of the greatest people in the world in it: Zooey Deschanel.) If you haven't seen it, I urge you to. The movie basically goes through the 500 days that a girl named Summer is in the life of a guy named Tom. Before each scene, a number is flashed on the screen to indicate how far along we are in Tom's journey.

I promise this post will be more than a synopsis of the movie. But for the sake of my main point, it is essential that I describe a few key scenes. After several months of dating, Summer tells Tom that she doesn't think they should see each other anymore- and so begins Toms's spiral into a brokenhearted depression. Eventually Tom learns that Summer is engaged to someone else and for the following couple of days Tom doesn't even get out of bed, and when he finally does, it's just to buy Twinkies and whiskey.

THEN...

We come to Day 456. Sweet, sweet day 456. On this day, Tom decides to stop rolling around in his own grief and do something with his life. He starts pursuing his dream and begins to turn his life around.

Whether it is a broken relationship, an injury, a layoff, or something else, we all reach a point in our lives when things stop going the way we want them to. What we desire and what is reality become such distant concepts that it is hard to see beyond them into the realm of the good that can come out of it. More often than we would like, things don't turn out the way we had hoped they would. But the thing is, this doesn't always mean that they didn't turn out right. What we want and what is actually best for us do not always match up. And sometimes what we want would have been great but it just didn't work out that way, and either way, we owe it to ourselves to get out of bed decide to let life get better. Misfortune is unavoidable. Accidents can happen, disaster may strike, and people (both the good and the bad) will hurt you whether they wanted to or not. These are things we cannot control. But what we can control is what we do about it. We can stay in bed all day, literally or figuratively. We can choose not to forgive and stay hurt. Or we can do something.


I say we do something. Be in control of your happiness. Stop thinking about your burden and free yourself from that sadness and from that anger. Lately I have been claiming Philippians 4:8 as my motto:
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy- think about such things

I feel like in the last few weeks I have finally reached my day 456 moment and I want to extend some advice to you:
-Stop thinking about how you wish things were and decide what you can do to make your life great. Then go do it.
-Think about your specific talents. Are you using them? If you're not, then you should start. Find a way to express yourself in a way that is unique to you.
-Get active. Physical health has more of an effect on emotional/mental health than many of us take into account.
-If you like to sleep in, try waking up earlier and doing something productive. And whenever you do wake up, convince yourself that it is going to be a great day.
-Pick up a new hobby, or pick back up a hobby you have been neglecting.
-Above everything else, you have to make a conscious effort to stop living in the misery you have become accustomed to. Although that sounds obvious, it's hard to let go of certain hopes and expectations we hold onto even when we know that clinging to them is destroying us. You must make the decision to have a better life before it can ever become a reality.

I know I say this in nearly all of my posts, but never stop reminding yourself that you are awesome. If anyone has led you to believe otherwise, then shame on them and forget everything they said. You deserve to have a great life that you love. Believe that, and then make it happen.

Dust.

It's been a long time since I really walked on water.

²⁵ Shortly before dawn Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. ²⁶ When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. “It’s a ghost,” they said, and cried out in fear.

²⁷ But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”

²⁸ “Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”

²⁹ “Come,” he said.

Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. ³⁰ But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”

Matthew 14:25-29

It's never really been a lack of faith in who Jesus is that has caused me to sink. It's my inability to trust that even though people aren't always good, God is good. For some time now, every time I hear that word "come," I start out steady then see the winds of "what if this person doesn't come through?" or "what if things are too messed up to be fixed?" or "I don't know if I can change, or if I can let go" and I take my eyes off of the promise for good things and feel my ankles get wet.

So, to anyone who feels like they can relate, and to myself I say these wise and true words:
God makes beautiful things out of the dust.


Perhaps you have heard those words before, most likely in the form of Gungor lyrics. But I have been giving them some deeper thought over the last few days. I don't mean to speak for you, but I would imagine that most people take this song to mean that God can make beauty from nothing, and God can make beauty out of us. This is absolutely true, but I think it goes deeper.

I've just been thinking about dust a lot. Yes, God can make beauty out of the simplest thing like a piece of dust. But I think we lose faith in the fact that God can make something beautiful out of the dust and debris of our disasters. The particles that float through the air after everything has finally just exploded, I believe that God can make beautiful things out of that too. In certain situations in my life, I am terrified that there's been too much ugly for anything beautiful to blossom again; like we've uprooted all that was once so good, and those thirsty roots have nothing from which to grow. This I no longer feel to be true. I believe that God can make something new and wonderful out of the wreckage of our catastrophes. Sometimes what grows isn't what we would have expected. But maybe we ought to be expecting daisies instead of roses. Or maybe we just shouldn't hold on to some kind of expectation. Maybe we should simply let ourselves believe that something good can really grow, let go of the ugly, and just work on being whole.

So here's to faith!
to dry ankles.
to letting go of things that keep us from being beautiful.
to daisies.
and to the promise of restoring our beauty.

You are beautiful!