The Thoughts I Think.

Tonight is one of those rare occasions in which I know when I finally lay myself down to sleep, that I have no need to wake up until I have satiated myself with slumber. It is nights like these that I exercise my power to stay awake for as long as possible and wait till the dim twilight of my mind, between fully awake and fully asleep, to start typing out the thoughts I think.

I try so hard to make art out of all my thoughts that sometimes when I reach a creative plateau I just stop thinking those thoughts altogether out of desperate frustration. And then there are the times when I avoid thinking the thoughts that keep me thinking because it is easier not to. Or the thoughts that keep me hurting but those thoughts are so hard to stop. Then, every so often I indulge myself with the musings that can only ever be thought and not lived. And I linger in that world of wishes for as long as I can before returning to what's real. I think we think about reality less than a lot of other thinkings. If you really think about it, thoughts about reality are a bit redundant. Reality is what is. Right now.

We don't need to think "I am breathing," we just are, and that is reality. Even when we sit and toil with the situations we would have longed to avoid, it is not the facts that we consider but the questions. That's not reality, that's inquisition. When we do repetitiously replay the reality of this life in our minds, we are no longer thinking, but dwelling. And despite the sincerity with which we declare to ourselves "I am going to have a great day," this is still not reality, rather it is hope. The hope that that hope will become reality.

I like to think of our thoughts as a solar system- with a gravitational pull as strong as that of the sun, bringing us back to those notions we can't shake. The thoughts we are drawn to the most but need more than anything not to think about because if we stare into those thoughts for too long we will go blind. Thinking about what you want doesn't make it appear just like thinking about what you're afraid to lose doesn't take it away.

Thoughts should be used for good. Like "what can I do to make today count?" Our thoughts should move us forward, not glue our feet to the floor of now, and certainly not drag us into the realm of what was or what wasn't because neither of those matter to Tomorrow who just wants us to appreciate him for all he's worth.