Saturday, December 25, 2010
I think this can be symbolic of the way we see ourselves through other people. Some people make us feel like a million dollars when we look into their eyes. Other people can make us feel extremely insecure. Some people shed light on the blemishes we fail to completely cover up, while others have just the right light to make our smiles look their whitest. There are people around which we can never fully be ourselves, and it's as if we're constantly sucking in to make sure we're just right. And then there are those people whom we love that make the perfect mirrors, the ones that reflect us just as we are. And although they don't ask us to change anything, they help us become the person we want to see when we look at ourselves.
Trying to change people is like cleaning a mirror. When we clean mirrors we merely scan the surface for toothpaste and water spots without actually seeing what is being reflected. It's an odd feeling to look at a mirror without looking into it; you have to deliberately limit your sight. Sometimes we try to "clean" people without really seeing them and without seeing ourselves. All we see is what needs to be removed to make them better.
I'm not really sure what the moral of this post is. I suppose I am just imploring everyone to focus less on the problems you see in your own (and others') reflections and try to consistently love the person you are despite the lens through which you are viewing yourself. It's okay to see things you'd like to work toward changing, as long as you still love the person that you are. You are beautiful, I hope you know that.
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Lately, I think I've been waiting for a surprise. Like some kind of "Ta-da! Everything is fixed now and you're going to be happy forever. Surprise!" But that's the thing about surprises: you can't wait for them. You can't expect or hope for them. I mean, that's kind of the point. And you can't always want surprises to come from someone else. My new thing right now is striving to surprise myself. I've been doing too much of letting outside forces (and people) determine how I feel and act. I have gotten miserably predictable. It's time for me to take back control. This is my life and I'm wasting it.
Here's to living! Do something you wouldn't have expected yourself to do. Surprise yourself!
Thursday, December 9, 2010
if a chord on one violin is struck
the other violin will sound the note
if this is your definition of hope
this is for you
the ones who know how powerful we are
who know we can sound the music in the people around us
simply by playing our own strings
for the ones who sing life into broken wings
open their chests and offer their breath
as wind on a still day when nothing seems to be moving
spare those intent on proving god is dead
for you when your fingers are red
from clutching your heart
so it will beat faster
for the time you mastered the art of giving yourself for the sake of someone else
for the ones who have felt what it is to crush the lies
and lift truth so high the steeples bow to the sky
this is for you
this is also for the people who wake early to watch flowers bloom
who notice the moon at noon on a day when the world
has slapped them in the face with its lack of light
for the mothers who feed their children first
and thirst for nothing when they’re full
and for the men who taught me only women bleed with the moon
but there are men who cry when women bleed
men who bleed from women’s wounds
and this is for that moon
on the nights she seems hung by a noose
for the people who cut her loose
and for the people still waiting for the rope to burn
about to learn they have scissors in their hands
the hardest thing about having nothing
is having nothing to give
who said the only reason to live is to give ourselves away
so this is for the day we’ll quit or jobs and work for something real
we’ll feel for sunshine in the shadows
look for sunrays in the shade
this is for the people who rattle the cage that slave wage built
and for the ones who didn’t know the filth until tonight
but right now are beginning songs that sound something like
people turning their porch lights on and calling the homeless back home
and for the day we’ll learn how much we have
when we learn to give that shit away
this is for doubt becoming faith
for falling from grace and climbing back up
for trading our silver platters for something that matters
like the gold that shines from our hands when we hold each other
to find that single patch of grass to plant a family tree
where the fruit would grow to laugh
for the ones who know the math of war
has always been subtraction
so they live like an action of addition
for you when you give like every star is wishing on you
and for the people still wishing on stars
this is for you too
for the time you taught a 14 year old girl she was powerful
this is for the time you taught a 14 year old boy he was beautiful
for the radical anarchist asking a republican to dance
cause what’s the chance of everyone moving from right to left
if the only moves they see are NBC and CBS
this is for the no becoming yes
for scars becoming breath
for saying i love you to people who will never say it to us
for scraping away the rust and remembering how to shine
for the dime you gave away when you didn’t have a penny
for the many beautiful things we do
for every song we’ve ever sung
for refusing to believe in miracles
because miracles are the impossible coming true
and everything is possible
and for the possibilities still waiting to sing
and spread their wings inside us
cause tonight saturn is on his knees
proposing with all of his ten thousand rings
that whatever song we’ve been singing we sing even more
the world needs us right now more than it ever has before
pull all your strings
play every chord
if you’re writing letters to the prisoners
start tearing down the bars
if you’re handing our flashlights in the dark
start handing our stars
never go a second hushing the percussion of your heart
play like you know the clouds have left too many people cold and broken
and you’re their last chance for sun
play like there’s no time for hoping brighter days will come
play like the apocalypse is only 4…3…2
but you have a drum in your chest that could save us
you have a song like a breath that could raise us
like the sunrise into a dark sky that cries to be blue
play like you know we won’t survive if you don’t
but we will if you do
play like saturn is on his knees
proposing with all of his ten thousand rings
that we give every single breath
this is for saying–yes
Thursday, December 2, 2010
The things I'd say if I hadn't already said them so many times before
as if the repetition could evade redundancy and evoke epiphany.
The things I would say if I didn't know it would be followed by silence
If I didn't know how much you're willing to leave unspoken.
Oh the words I would be liberating if I could just open my mouth;
how much my eyes would say if I were strong enough to meet your gaze.
Oh the things you've said that keep me from speaking.
And the things you say that give me hope.
Oh the thing I would say, if you would just say it first.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Monday, November 15, 2010
Also, just a disclaimer: I plan on never posting a poem that directly reflects my current struggles in life. So, there is no need for you to try to sympathize or attempt to figure out what event in my life a particular poem stems from. Any poetry I share with you will not be to express my feelings but rather to share my stab at art.
There were no more roses,
But the fault was always on you.
Have a delightful week.
3 days until Harry Potter!!!
Monday, November 8, 2010
First of all, let me just say that this picture doesn't even begin to do justice to the amazing sunset I watched tonight.
The view from my church is one of the best views in town, often used as a make-out hot spot, and I accidentally found myself there tonight. For some reason I pulled out in the wrong direction from my parking spot so I just decided to go the other way around the church. I saw the pink sky and I whipped into a spot before I had even decided that's what I wanted to do.
This was one of those weeks that I knew would be rough so I started out with Wonder Woman strength but by the end of the week my muscles had deflated and I was emotionally drained. Man, I saw that sun setting over the city and I broke down. I do not mean to say this for pity. In fact, if I were to ever do that please leave explicit comments on the post as ramifications for my bad taste. No, I am not seeking pity because I'm talking about the good kind of break down. I generally reserve my tears for the shower or car rides exceeding 20 minutes... just how I roll. Every so often, though, a really solid cry leaves me feeling renewed.
When I saw this most glorious sight I was just like, badang God is good. On top of that, I was listening to Colin Hay- a fav of mine, and the song was Waiting for My Real Life to Begin. Now, half of me really loves this song because I feel like I am doing just that, but I also feel like I should be taking action so as not to feel that way, so I am faced with this dichotomy.
You should also know that I am a quirky (some might say weird) person and therefore, do quirky (weird) things. One of these is that sometimes in love songs I pretend God is singing. Some might think that's touching, some might think it's stupid, but really I just do it because it's usually kind of funny or really bizarre. So for some reason I just kind of did that for this song and it was actually beautifully soothing.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
2. Take longer showers. What's the rush? Enjoy a few minutes at the end of each shower of simply standing there letting the hot water massage your back. Relax and get yourself mentally prepared to have a great day.
3. Floss. Not everyday, because then it's not as satisfying when you do. If you wait a little bit between each floss, you can see the results of your hard work better.
4. Talk to strangers. I mean more than just a friendly "hello." Make people feel good by caring about how they are or complimenting them. Make eye contact. Smile!
5. Censor your daydreams. Fantasize about your possibilities, about the great things you can do. Invest in daydreams that leave you feeling inspired and motivated to be great. Avoid spending time thinking about things you can't change, about the way you want things to be; when you come back to life you'll be sad.
6. Climb trees as often as possible. And look down even if you're scared.
7. Don't wish time away. Live in the now. You can still be eager for things to come, but instead of sustaining a mindset of "I wish it were Friday," look for something to make today enjoyable. What's the point in not making the most of every day?
8. Tell people how you feel.
9. Only wear shoes when necessary. In other words while walking on hot coals, snow, or glass. (Or, of course, when the shoes complete your outfit.)
10. Exercise your creativity. It doesn't matter how.
11. Don't complain. Just don't. Few things in the world are more pointless than complaining. Crocs, for example.
12. Remind yourself of why you're awesome. Because you are. And it is a lot harder for people to notice if you haven't even convinced yourself.
#4 is dedicated to Alexis Renee Martin for living that way each day and spreading that lifestyle to me.
Monday, November 1, 2010
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Friday, October 1, 2010
Monday, August 30, 2010
MUCH has happened since I last updated this ol thing.
a. I traveled to Italy- it was amazing. I ate, drank, and sang. You know, all the things you should do in Italy.
b. I traveled to Nashville, Oklahoma City, and Panama City Beach- these were all for the internship with my church. And these were also, all very wonderful experiences.
c. My love life has changed, but I won't get into that now.
d. I have a new best friend. He is wonderful. And I'm not talking about a dog. Did it kind of sound like I was talking about a dog?
e. I am officially living in 'da hood' of South Kansas City with one of my besties, Alexis, and attending UMKC. Our apartment is quite adorable despite the location. I realized the "firework" I heard the other night probably wasn't a firework at all...
f. I'm really really happy. Not that that is something that has happened recently. It's ongoing. I just wanted to throw that in there.
So that's what's going on in la vida de Allyson. I know this post has been pretty bland. In fact, I just realized it's about as boring as the first day of school when you have to introduce yourself and say a bunch of random facts (did I mention yellow is my favorite color?). Anyway, sorry guys, I promise to make the rest of the posts much spicier. and more frequent.
I hope today has been lovely for you.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
I’m much too new at this whole blogging thing to be this bad at updating. The funny thing is that I don’t wait until I have enough time to blog. On a normal day I probably have a good anywhere from 3-5 hours perfect for blogging. When I have free time though, I just always find something else to do. It’s when I really need to get something important done that I suddenly find myself blogging as a distraction. Distractions can be healthy. At least I think so.
I’m reading Blue Like Jazz right now. I feel like if I want to fit in with all the trendy Christians I need to be able to quote Donald Miller at a moment’s notice. No, that’s not really why. I just thought it seemed like a good book to read. And thus far ol Don hasn’t proved me wrong. I feel like on days where I use a good portion of my allotted brain power reading this book, I tend to make quirky analogies about God and life just like Donald Miller. Only not at all like Donald Miller because nobody would pay to read them. I also have a tendency to think up (what I am just certain at the time are) great profundities as I am sleeping. In moments like these I rush to jot down my thoughts so as to ponder them at a later time. The most recent of these being:
“Do you think God laughs with us or do you think he’s kind of like Dumbledore? Like, he’ll smile down at you if you make a joke but won’t really chime in.”
I’m not sure what I said to God before that to make me wonder whether or not he laughed. I’m also not sure if it is at all sac-religious to compare God to Dumbledore, but I did it anyway. Of all the characters in all the books ever written, I would say that Dumbledore is hands down the most comparable to God. Except maybe Aslan. Or Jesus…
Enough of that.
So spring break came and went much too quickly and now the days drag on. Sometimes I really hate how time flies and I especially hate to entertain the idea that it will only go by more quickly as I get older. I recognize this as a truth, it is only logical. As we get older each year becomes a smaller fraction or our entire life. When we’re 4, a year is a quarter of our life. At 40 well, it’s a lot less.
I just think time is so fascinating, but at the same time it makes my head spin. I think the best thing to do is to just live in each moment and milk it for all its worth.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Thursday, February 18, 2010
If we could keep time, when could we use it?
If we waste time, will it waste us
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
a. My room is unbearably cold right now. The rest of the apartment is fine while my room is like the frozen tundra. sheesh.
b. I just want to point out how wonderful it was to see the sun this weekend. I love waking up to the sunlight seeping into my room even though I know it's still cold outside. I'm obsessed with sunshine.
c. Thanks to bullet b, as the sun was going down yesterday the sky was an array of blue shades. The specific shade that was taking up most of the sky around 6 was the most gorgeous color. I couldn't stop staring at it.
d. I fell asleep in my class today for the first time this semester. whoops.
e. I also walked on water today so I think that should cover for my academic delinquency. Yes?
f. My best friend Courtney is in Chile right now and let me borrow her keyboard while she is gone. I practiced piano for a few hours today and even though I'm rusty and it takes me longer than it should to learn things, it's really nice to play again.
h. LOST starts back up tomorrow and I can hardly contain my excitement... even though after watching every episode last season I still have no idea what's going on. Just part of the beauty of the show.
That's all for now. It's almost 4 am and I should be asleep. Happy February, everyone.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
I didn't necessarily plan for that to lead me into a deeper topic but it got me thinking about how incredibly frightened we are of being single. It really makes me sad and a little worried. Are we so co-dependent that we simply must have someone else in our lives to feel whole? I fully understand how great it is to be in love. I get why that is something that people wish for. This doesn't have to mean, however, that anything less than that is meaningless. I worry that people don't value themselves enough to be happy even when alone. I wish they would.
To end on a lighter note: the sun was shining so brightly today I could almost swear it was spring. I am so so so eager for spring. It's such a beautiful time of year. But I've really been trying not to wish time away. There may be something great off in the distance but I don't want to lose sight of what today has to offer... you know? But I am quite excited for spring.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
I already have so many things I want to post on here. I think it is entirely possible that I have more thoughts than the average person. By saying that, I do not mean to imply that I am a deeply philosophical person. I simply draw this conclusion from the amount of time my brain spends away from what it should really be focusing on. I don't want to post too much now because then you won't read it. Will you? I don't believe you.
I'm almost done, I promise. Just one little story:
Today, as I was doing the dance we are all so familiar with: shuffle-down-the-aisle-of-your-giant-lecture-hall, I came across a rather largely unaccompanied region in the middle of the auditorium. There was this one seat with the desk already swiveled into place and I thought to myself "Yes. This is where I should sit." It was just so inviting, like it was waiting for me. You might find it silly but... that's why it's my blog and not yours.
Thanks for reading and have a beautiful day.